BLURRY
Self Portrait
WHO AM I, AND IF SO, HOW MANY?
There's an empty room, four white walls, a stool in front of one of them, a camera in the middle of the room, a small mirror, a spotlight, and me with a wig on my head. I set the timer for ten seconds, sit down on the stool and look at the reflection of the person in the mirror, which is right behind the camera tripod.
I just stared straight into the camera and there it was - the first photo of me that had ever been taken. I have never felt more myself than in that moment when I was so disguised that I was unrecognizable even to myself. I look over at my reflection and begin to wonder who I really am. Am I the unassuming, boring and uncreative person, or am I just sitting in front of an anxious, depressed and scared version of myself?
Everybody has some kind of identity crisis at some point and I take it as it comes. I live with it and I don't try to hide it because I can't anymore.
I can't always act normal because I'm not normal. I'd like to think I'm okay, but I think I'm not. There are so many questions floating around in my head that I cannot find the answer to: What role am I going to play today? What color lipstick should I wear or what wig should I wear today? I like the idea of being myself in variations, because it never gets boring, but I can't find the one I want to be. My vision isn't always clear - it's often blurry.
